


courage, dear heart

by differentsnowflake



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Mercer-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Canon Compliant, Death, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Gen, How sunset curve met, Julie is the best, M/M, Ray Molina Adopts The Phantoms, Romance, Willex reunion, kind of, the last chapter is sad, there's a lot going on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29026032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/differentsnowflake/pseuds/differentsnowflake
Summary: According to C.S. Lewis, there are four types of love: friendly, familiar, romantic and unconditional.And Alex experiences all of them, in memories of a seven-year-old Luke deciding he'd be his best friend, offering him a lopsided grin; in long nights watching TV with Tía Victoria in the Molina house after going to Carlos' baseball games; in holding Willie's hand while they run through the Los Angeles streets, trying to figure out a way to save his soul; in wondering and words and questions and doubts.Or, love can be a lot of things. But it's always good.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Aunt Victoria (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer & Julie Molina, Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Alex Mercer
Comments: 25
Kudos: 87
Collections: Julie and the Phantoms Bingo Challenge





	1. philia

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know what this is, but hopefully it'll make sense as you read.  
> This one is a about friendship between Sunset Curve and how they met an all that stuff.  
> I broke this into four chapters so it could be easier to understand or something. I hope you enjoy!

**friendship**

Alex is seven when he meets Luke, and at first, he doesn't like him.

Luke is loud and daring, a whirlwind of laughs and comments that make everyone stare at him. He's nice but he's also a handful, and Alex is a little taken aback by his never-ending energy.

Alex is alone, sitting on a bench of the school playground, counting the ants that walk near him on the floor. He likes staring at them, at their order and dedication, and his mom has told him to stop concentrating in things that don't matter and start trying to make some friends, but he can't help it. He prefers the quietness and the little animals than screaming kids, who are always full of dirt and jokes he doesn't get.

And then Luke is sitting by his side, on his knees, offering him a smile that's missing his two front teeth. Alex jumps a little, and he drops the sandwich he was holding.

"Oh, sorry," Luke says between a laugh. "You can pick it up. Five second rule and all that stuff."

Alex shakes his head.

"Maybe the ants can eat it now."

Luke stares at the ants and then at him, his eyebrows frowned in confusion. "You're giving your food to the ants?"

Alex shrugs. "They deserve it."

And then Luke starts _talking,_ way too many questions he doesn't let him respond to. He just wonders and gives himself an answer, nodding his head and muttering to himself. He talks and talks and keeps talking, and Alex wants to scream because he can't keep up with him, but his mom's always telling him to be kind, and he doesn't want to get scolded, so he listens, swallowing down his annoyance.

The bell rings and Alex is a little relieved, because he was getting tired of Luke's never-ending chattering, but when the rest of the kids start walking towards the classroom, Luke grabs him by the hand and makes him run.

Alex almost trips, trying to keep up with Luke. He wants to let go, but Luke's grip is firm on his hand, and his sweaty fingers are surprisingly strong.

"If we get there soon, we can convince Miss Smith of letting us sit together!" He explains, and Alex's too shy to admit that he doesn't want to sit with Luke.

But he says nothing as Luke explains hurriedly to the teacher that Alex is his best friend now, and that he wants to sit with him in class.

"Please, Miss Smith," Luke begs, his hands pressed together just like Alex does when he's praying. "He and I are best friends, and my mom says that best friends must be together all the time. I promise I'll be good."

The teacher frowns at them. "Luke, sweetie, if I let you sit together, you have to promise that you're going to behave. No more screaming or interrupting in class. No distracting him."

Luke nods effusively. "I promise," his eyes are still closed and his palms are still pressed together, and Alex chuckles because he looks funny.

"Alright."

The class starts and Miss Smith moves in the front of the class, talking about the sun and the planets and a bunch of stuff Alex already knows, because his older brother is obsessed with the space. And then Luke leans towards him, a hand covering his mouth, trying to look subtle.

"Hey," he tells him, in what Alex supposes must be a failed attempt at a whisper, Luke's voice still painfully loud. "Best friend. What's your name?"

Alex feels like knocking his head against his desk. "Alex," he mutters back.

Luke nods with a smile. "Cool. I'm Luke."

"I know."

The next days, Alex just can't seem to get rid of Luke. But it's not that bad, because Luke can be funny sometimes, saying stuff under his breath in class that makes him burst out laughing, followed by Miss Smith's cold stare. And now he has someone to sit with at lunch break, and he has to admit that watching the ants was becoming boring.

He tells his mom he has a best friend now, and she's thrilled, because Alex's never had friends before. She tells him to invite Luke over to play sometime and Alex agrees because he wants Luke to see his new cool swing set.

One week later, Alex realizes he does like Luke. They're best friends now. He meets his parents and they play in his room, making his whole toy shelf fall to the ground. It's fun, and Alex is silently grateful for the way he decided to talk to him, without permission or an invitation, just some annoying questions and a lopsided grin.

One day they're sitting on the bench, watching the ants move forward while Luke talks about the tree house his dad promised he'd build him for his eighth birthday, and then Alex realizes one of the mean kids he's scared of is hovering over Reggie Peters, keeping him pressed against the wall. Reggie looks scared, his eyes closed and his floppy hair covering his face. Alex frowns and nudges Luke with his elbow, pointing towards them.

Luke stands up. "I hate it when they do that," he says before walking towards them.

Alex counts to three before standing up too, advancing hurriedly behind Luke.

"Hey!" Luke calls, his hands forming two tiny fists. "Leave him alone."

The kid turns to look at them and smiles a little. "You want to be next? I was just telling my friend Reggie here that he's stupid."

Reggie opens his eyes a little. "I'm not stupid!" He screams, but his voice is shaky and high-pitched and Alex feels bad for him.

"Leave him alone or I'll tell Miss Smith," Alex says, trying to sound serious. The kid rolls his eyes, but he steps back a little. Reggie sees his chance and takes it, running towards them, hiding behind Luke.

The mean kid walks towards Alex, and he feels his chest tightening, his blood flowing heavily through his veins. He wishes he could hide behind Luke too.

"Is that all you can do? Snitch on me? You're stupid too."

"Alex's not stupid!" Luke yells, and before Alex can react, Luke is jumping towards the kid. They both fall to the floor and start clumsily wrestling, and Alex's barely aware of the fact that now Reggie's hiding behind him.

Miss Smith and two other teachers run towards them, and break them apart as best as they can.

"He bit me!" The mean kid yells, holding his shoulder. "He bit me on the shoulder!"

"And I'll do it again!" Luke screams, running towards the kid. One of the teachers is holding him, though, so he ends up kicking the air, like a rabid animal. "No one insults my best friends!"

"Luke, calm down!" Miss Smith scolds, but Luke just straight-up growls, and the kid flinches. Alex finds it a little funny, and he has to hide his laughter. Reggie's still hiding behind him, his hands gripping Alex's hips, but Alex can hear him laughing as well.

Two hours later, Alex and Reggie are called to the principal's office, where Luke, the mean kid and their parents are sitting.

Alex's never really talked to Reggie before, because Reggie's goofy and funny but he's also kind of shy, but Alex likes him enough. He spent the last two hours calming him down, drawing together while Luke was dragged away by the angry teachers.

The principal asks them to explain what happened, and he and Reggie start talking at the same time, stumbling over their words and each other’s, and at the end the principal sighs and rubs her eyes with her hands.

"I didn't understand any of that, kids. Please, talk in turns."

Alex tells the story as best as he can, because it's not fair that Luke's going to be in trouble when everything was the mean kid's fault. That's what he tells the teachers and the principal, who sighs and stares at Luke, who's sitting on his mom's legs. His face is covered in snot and tears, and Alex wishes he could hug him.

"Is that true?" The principal asks him, and Luke nods.

"I was just protecting my best friends," he explains. "I don't like it when someone calls them stupid."

Reggie frowns. "Am I your best friend?" He asks sheepishly, fidgeting with his hands. Luke snorts.

"You are now."

Reggie jumps a little, clapping with his hands. "Cool. You're my best friend now too. And you too, Alex. If you want to."

And Reggie's cool and funny and he's really good at drawing, so Alex nods as well. "I want to."

Ever since that day, Alex can't remember a single day he's spent without hanging with Luke or Reggie. They have lunch together and then they walk home, playing tag or running as fast as they can, screaming in laughter. They help Luke's dad build the tree house and they decide the three of them are the only ones allowed to get in.

They play in the beach in front of Reggie's house and they learn to ride their bikes together, supervised by Alex's dad. Reggie's mom bakes them cookies and drives them home when it gets late after they spend the whole afternoon running around in the sand.

Luke is nine when he starts taking guitar lessons, and he starts talking about rock bands Alex's never heard of, starts talking about becoming a rock star. Reggie and Alex just stare at each other and roll their eyes, letting his friend dream. Luke sings and sings and sings and Alex sighs and gets used to his never-ending humming wherever they go.

The years pass slowly and quickly, in a set of scenes that he remembers with surprising clarity. He remembers the time Reggie breaks his arm jumping from his swing set and he remembers going camping with Luke's parents. He remembers school projects and more fights Luke’s always getting into. He remembers the first time Luke argues with his mom because he spends his afternoons playing guitar instead of doing homework.

Alex is thirteen when he learns to play drums, he's thirteen when Luke forces Reggie to learn how to play bass even if Reggie's fine with just playing the banjo. They're thirteen when they form a band, when they start messing around with melodies and song lyrics and rock covers in Luke's living room, smiling sheepishly whenever Luke's mom asks them kindly to keep the volume down.

They're fifteen when they meet Bobby, after holding auditions for a rhythm guitarist, after only three guys show up and Bobby's the best one. Bobby's sarcastic and funny but he's also kind and he likes the same TV shows and movies they like too, and soon Alex forgets that they haven't been friends for forever too.

Bobby's dad invites them to a ski trip and the four of them spend the next five days throwing snowballs at each other, eating s'mores and trying to figure out how to make the world's biggest snowman. They totally fail.

They make a bonfire and Luke and Bobby play the guitar and Bobby's parents dance to their voices, and then Reggie makes Alex dance with him, but it's fun, and then Luke tackles them down and they fall dangerously close to the fire.

They spend hours at the pier, playing for tips so they can buy guitar strings and drum sticks and food. They rent a garage they use as a studio, and by the time they're sixteen, the four of them spend more time in the studio than at their own houses, writing songs and playing music so late at night that one of the neighbors calls the police to shut them up.

Alex's also sixteen when Luke, Reggie and Bobby find out that he's gay, and when they don't hate him or start acting different, when they just hug him and tell him that it's _okay_ , Alex understands how lucky he is that, ten years ago, Luke decided to befriend the weird kid that sat alone and stared at the ants in the playground.

They're seventeen when, after years of trying and playing and sweating and working really hard, they book a gig in the Orpheum. When they hear the news, they scream and jump and shout, and Alex's so _thrilled_ he swears his heart is about to burst out of his chest. There's adrenaline running furiously through his veins, and when the guys hug him, forming a weird pile of four excited teenagers, they jump and scream together and then he says it, because he can't help it.

"I love you guys," he mutters, and Luke laughs and keeps jumping.

"I love you!" He screams back, and Reggie and Bobby say it too, just before Luke trips and the four of them end up crashing on the ground, still laughing.

When he thinks about the last moment before he died, the memory that comes to his mind is not them eating in that dirty place, not even them playing the soundcheck. It's the four of them jumping around in the garage, laughing until they ran out of breath, happiness covering them like a safe, heavy blanket, the words just said resonating in his ears.

He really, really loves his friends.


	2. storge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets to remember what having a family is like. Things are done, things are said, and he really, really loves the Molinas.

**family**

Alex loves spending time with Julie. He doesn't know why he loves it so much, just laying down in Julie's bed listening to music, staring at the ceiling while Julie paints his nails and then he tries painting Julie's, but he totally fails at it. His fingers shake and the brush is way too small, and he ends up spilling the nail polish in Julie's bed.

He freaks out and apologizes, but Julie just rolls her eyes with a fond smile and tells him not to worry about it.

He tries helping her with school projects, but at the end is usually Reggie the one who ends up doing her math homework while he and Luke watch.

He likes everything that the Molina family represents. He likes the fact that there's always music playing somewhere in the house, whether it's Carlos' rap or Ray's old 80s rock classic songs. He likes sitting in the couch, watching Ray try to cook dinner, reminding him where he left all the stuff.

Ray just smiles at him, chuckling a little.

"You're right. I'd lose my head if it weren't attached to my body."

Reggie's the one who spends more time with Ray or Carlos though, while Luke and Julie write songs. But Alex also likes hanging out with them, even if sometimes he's not sure of what to say.

Carlos tries teaching him how to play his modern, crazy video games just like he did with Reggie, but Alex sucks at it, and the three of them give up pretty quickly. He tries cooking with Ray or helping him choose photos for his work, but he's not good at either of those things. He has to admit he feels a little left out, even if he'd never say that out loud.

And then Tía Victoria starts spending a lot of time at the Molina house because her apartment is getting renovated.

Alex finds her one day sitting on the couch, staring avidly at the TV.

"Hi," Alex whispers, and Tía looks up at him with a warm smile.

"Hi there, Alex."

"What- um- what are you watching?"

Tía scoots a little on the couch, patting the now free space beside her.

"Just my _novela,_ do you wanna watch with me?"

He nods and sits beside her, silently thankful that Julie can make them visible to whoever she likes, and that, after a lot of trying, Tía Victoria finally got used to the fact that now there are three dead teenagers living in his sister's house.

He doesn't understand the thing at all, because even with the English subtitles on, he has no idea what the plot is about, but he enjoys it anyway. He doesn't even know how, but three hours later, he finds himself screaming at the screen.

 _"Maldito viejo chismoso_ ," Tía mutters, when the dad of the protagonist tells her boyfriend that she's pregnant, her voice heavy with emotion. Alex has no idea of what Tía just said, but he agrees with her angry tone of voice, so he nods.

"I hate him."

Tía nods solemnly at his comment. "We all hate Ramiro. He's an _imbécil._ But don't tell Carlos I just said that."

Alex chuckles a little. "I won't."

Two hours later, the marathon that was running on the TV ends, and Alex has to admit he _needs_ to know what happens next.

"Oh, don't worry, we'll continue watching tomorrow."

Alex smiles, and tries to hide his excitement because he's not sure if he should be this excited about watching a _novela._

"Now, if you excuse me, I have to go. I don't wanna be late for my salsa class," Tía says, standing up from the couch. Alex nods.

"I thought you did Pilates?" He asks her, and she waves her hand.

"It was getting kind of boring. Salsa is more fun. Do you want to come with me?"

Alex feels himself flushing.

"You- um, you sure?"

Tía shrugs.

"No one's going to see you. You can go and see and dance with us if you want to. It's better than staying here and play videogames with the boys."

Alex doesn't have to think about it too much, and even if he can just appear in the place the salsa class is being held, he still gets on Tía Victoria's car and they talk about the _novela_ in excited rambling and knowing smiles.

The class is fun and exciting, and Alex dances as best as he can, enjoying the fact that no one can see him making a fool of himself while he tries to do the dance moves the instructor asks them to recreate.

The music is loud and the ambiance is full of energy, and Alex loves it. He stays behind the ten ladies that are part of the class, and Tía winks at him, staring at him with a smile from the mirror. When the class is over, he hovers over Tía as she talks to her friends, drinking water and laughing loudly at jokes he doesn't get, but he feels himself smiling too because seeing Tía happy makes him happy.

Then they get back in the car, and Tía offers him another big smile.

"You did great, Alex," she tells him, and Alex feels pride making him flush. "Not bad for a _blanquito."_

"Is that- um- good?" He asks sheepishly, and Tía laughs.

"It's great. I have someone to dance with now! I've been trying to bring Carlos or Julie with me for years, but they refuse. They don't like salsa or something. Boring kids."

Alex grins. "Salsa is great. I was worried- that you wouldn't like me doing this. You know, since I'm a guy," he ends in a nervous tone.

Tía frowns. "Why wouldn't I like it?"

Alex licks his lips. "My mom didn't like it when I danced. She said it was only for girls. She would’ve never taken me to a dance class or something," he admits.

" _Ay, mi niño,"_ Tía tries to hug him and then remembers she can't, stopping abruptly. Even if Julie can make them visible to whoever she wants to, they haven't figured out a way to let other people touch them. She clears her throat, and rests her hand above his, just millimeters away from touching. "Of course I'm okay with it. You can do whatever you want, alright?"

Alex wants to cry a little. "Okay."

Tía nods with another smile and turns on the car. "Don't tell anyone, but now you're my favorite _sobrino_."

He chuckles. "Thanks, Tía."

A couple of days later, they're all getting ready for Carlos' baseball game. They've never gone to one together, the seven of them, but this is an important one, and even if Carlos told them they didn't _need_ to go, he, Luke and Reggie want to. It'll be fun, especially because they can be as loud and crazy as they want because no one will be watching them but the Molinas.

Julie frowns at them when they tell her they want to paint their faces the colors of Carlos' team.

"Are you guys sure?" She asks, biting her lip. Luke nods.

"No one's going to see us!" He explains, raising his hands. "We need to take advantage of that."

Julie purses her lips but shrugs. "Okay. I'll let you be embarrassing just because no one's going to see you."

Two hours after that, the three of them are covered in green and yellow paint, and Reggie's wearing a red wig they found in the attic. Julie laughs every time she looks at them.

"Oh god, I wish I could take a picture of you guys. You look ridiculous."

Reggie sticks out his tongue at her.

"We look like supportive ghosts."

Luke nods. "Yeah, supportive ghosts."

The three of them poof into the baseball field, and wait for the Molinas to arrive there. Ray, Julie and Tía Victoria go sit in the public, holding a placard that says "Go, Carlos," and Alex, Reggie and Luke stay standing behind them, cheering even before the game's started because Carlos is the only one who can hear them.

"You guys are embarrassing," Julie tells them when it's Carlos' turn to bat, and they break out in loud, hoarse screaming, the three of them jumping and yelling Carlos' name.

"You're just jealous you don't have guys like us cheering in your concerts," Luke tells her. Julie rolls her eyes.

"You guys _play_ with me," she reminds them.

Luke shrugs. "You're still jealous."

When the game is over, Ray buys Julie and Luke ice cream and Alex suddenly really misses being able to eat. But whatever.

They go back to the house and Carlos thanks them for their cheering between laughs as Reggie rubs his face with his hand and his fingers become green.

"I love you guys," Carlos tells them, a huge smile on his face. Alex briefly remembers his own sister and the way he misses her, in a sharp, strong longing, because he never got to say goodbye.

But it's okay, because it's been years, and he knows she's moved on. He cares about the present, and he cares about Julie and Carlos, he cares about Ray's warm smiles and failed attempts at cooking, he cares about Tía Victoria and her salsa classes and the hushed comments she throws at the TV whenever something bad or dramatic happens in the novela.

Alex cares about the family he has _now_ , about Luke and Reggie and their band and Flynn and Willie. He cares about everything that's standing in front of him.

"And we love you, little guy," Reggie smiles at Carlos, and he can see in the way Carlos looks at them that he wishes he could hug them. Alex wishes he could hug him too.

In the end, it's Julie who hugs Carlos, resting her head against the top of his head.

"You did great today," she tells him, and Carlos grins.

"You know I'm awesome."

Julie breaks the hug and stares at Carlos with a grimace.

"Don't go all crazy on me. I just said you didn't suck."

Ray rolls his eyes.

"I'm going to make lunch. Alex, Luke, Reggie, please take that awful paint off."

Reggie pouts.

"I like it."

Ray raises an eyebrow at him, and Reggie smiles sheepishly.

"It'll totally be off in a couple of minutes."

Ray nods, satisfied, walking towards the kitchen.

"Good."

They wash their faces, and then Tía asks him if he wants to keep watching the _novela_ , and Alex huffs and nods.

"Of course I want to."

Julie, Reggie and Luke end up sitting with them on the couch too, staring intensely at the screen.

They all scream at the same time when last episode ends in a cliffhanger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe in Alex and Tía Victoria supremacy.   
> Having a Tía is just watching novelas with her and going with her to crazy activites, that's it.  
> I want a dad like Ray Molina.


	3. eros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex thinks about his relationship with Willie, the problems they have to face and the fact that he really, really wants to kiss him.

**romantic**

Alex doesn't get to see Willie a lot.

It's dangerous, because they still don't know what Caleb is up too. Willie has told him that there's something weird going on at the club, because Caleb barely spends time in there anymore, and the shows are becoming scarcer every time.

"That's good, right?" He had asked him, but Willie had just shaken his head, his brow furrowed.

"It means he's planning something. And that can't be good."

That's why he really appreciates the moments he can spend with him. It's late at night, when Willie makes sure Caleb's not going to find out he's left the Ghost Club. It's really early in the morning, when the sky is painting itself pink and yellow, letting go of the night. It's late in the afternoon, just before one of the now-scarce shows, when Willie's wearing a suit and an uncomfortable smile.

They do what they can. They skate in empty pools and go to more museums all around California. They take long walks; they travel as far as they dare to go. They sit in the sand and talk, they run through the streets as Willie skates past lifers.

They talk and laugh and dance a little, when there's no one around, even if they know no one can see them. Willie's all confident grins and stupid jokes and bad ideas Alex likes indulging him with.

But still, Alex hates that he doesn't get to see him much. Sometimes when it's late at night and the studio is quiet, because Reggie likes trying to sleep even if they can't and Luke's too busy writing song lyrics, Alex wishes he could spend some more time with Willie. He likes having someone to always talk to.

After the Orpheum, Alex spent days looking for Willie.

He didn't know if Willie knew they hadn't crossed over, he didn't know if Caleb had done something to him, and there's nothing he hates more than not knowing. There's something awful about uncertainty, something that makes him freak out because a variable he's not aware of is a variable that can go awfully wrong.

He spent days walking through Hollywood, trying to remember every spot Willie talked about, screaming his name as loud as he could because he knew no one was listening. He spent days hovering outside the gates of the club, even if Luke and Reggie and Julie told him it was a bad idea, in case Caleb could see them. But he couldn't help himself, he just needed to make sure he was okay.

It wasn't until three days later that he found Willie, skating silently through the street where they first met. He had screamed his name and Willie had stopped abruptly, shocked by the sound of a voice he thought he'd never get to see again. They had hugged and Willie had cried a little, and Alex's heart still goes crazy every time he thinks about it.

"What- I thought- you said, I didn't-" Willie had muttered.

"We didn't cross over. It's okay. We're okay now."

Willie had shaken his head. "But how are you-? The stamps would-"

So Alex had explained all to him as best as he could, stuttering and fumbling over his words, trying to speak as fast as he could. And Willie had nodded, looking confused but relieved, his eyes shiny against the afternoon sun.

"That's- I don't even know what to say. I didn't know it was possible."

Alex had shrugged. "We know nothing either. But you know what? I don't care."

Willie had hugged him again.

"I don't care either."

It's been a couple of weeks since then, and Willie sneaks out of the club every time he can to see him. Alex wishes they had phones or something, a way of communicating when they're not together so he can know what's going on, but there's nothing he can do. Sometimes being dead sucks.

That day, they're sitting in an empty skate park, laying down on the floor because they can, and the sun is slowly disappearing. The wind shakes Willie's hair a little and Alex finds it funny. Willie's holding his hand.

"I've been thinking," Willie tells him suddenly. "About Julie and how she got rid of Caleb's stamp. But nothing occurs to me. I honestly have no idea how that's possible. I don't even know why she can see you guys."

"We've kind of given up. There's no need to know why, right?"

Willie closes his eyes. "Well, maybe if we knew, we could do something about, you know. My soul and all that stuff."

Alex suddenly feels terrible for not thinking about that. "Crap, Willie, you're right. There must be a way to set you free of that stamp as well."

"Even if we found one," Willie says, opening his eyes and turning to look him in the eye. "We still need to think about the contract."

The what?

"The what?" He asks, sitting up. Willie does the same. "What do you mean the contract?"

"Um, I signed a contract a bunch of years ago. That's why Caleb owns my soul."

Alex blinks. "You didn't tell me _that."_

Willie grimaces. "I don't really like talking about it. But, um, when I died, I didn't- I couldn't-" Willie stops for a second, taking a deep breath, and Alex takes his hand again, trying to calm him down. He's realized Willie gets really nervous whenever he talks about Caleb and the Hollywood Ghost Club, and he hates the way his usually easy-going personality darkens a little.

"It's okay," he mutters, trying to sound reassuring.

"I died and I didn't have friends with me or anything. I was alone and scared and I didn't understand stuff. And then I met Caleb and he helped me to understand so much stuff, Alex. I- when he asked me to work for him, I didn't think it twice. It just made sense. And now I feel so stupid, because he makes you sign these contracts and I didn't even- I never thought I'd need it. Until I met you."

"Willie, I-"

Alex wants to say something, he really, really wants to, but all words have disappeared from his mind, and now he's just a mess of feelings and unshed tears, unspeakable words.

"It's okay. We'll figure something out, right?"

That he can do.

"We will. I promise."

It takes Alex a long time to come up with a plan. He spends the next few days racking his brain, thinking and thinking and thinking. Maybe if they find a way to destroy the contract, Willie would be free. The problem is that there's so many uncertain variables, so many things that could go wrong. Thinking about them makes him freak out, but he comes to the conclusion that he needs to forget about the fear and figure out a way to save Willie.

At the end, it's Julie who does pretty much everything. She's the one who figures Caleb must have the contracts hidden somewhere, she's the one who sneaks into the Ghost Club as Willie tries to distract Caleb, while Alex, Luke and Reggie make sure no one comes in.

She's the one who finds the contract, an old piece of paper kept in a purple envelope, and she's the one who takes it and runs as fast as she can, the boys following her as fast as they can, making sure no one does anything to her as she leaves the club.

But Alex is there when Julie breaks the contract, tearing it to pieces, letting the strips of paper fall heavily to the ground. Alex is there when Willie starts to _shine_ , just like they did a couple of weeks ago, when the stamp disappears slowly, vanishing above him.

"Did it work?" Reggie asks in a whisper.

Willie looks down, inspecting his hands and his body as if it he was watching it for the first time. His eyes are shining with unshed tears, full of emotion and vulnerability.

"Yeah," he mutters. "Yeah," he repeats, louder this time, looking up at Alex. Now he's smiling, letting out a relieved chuckle. "I think it worked."

Alex hugs him then, because he doesn't know what else to do, and Willie hugs him back and his presence is warm and comforting against him.

He feels Willie's face hiding against his shoulder, and Alex feels like crying a little. But he doesn't, because he doesn't want everyone to see him crying, so he hides against Willie as well, letting some tears fall before sobering up.

"Thank you," Willie says, looking at Julie. "For doing that for me."

Alex can't see Julie, but he can imagine the smile she must be sporting. "You're more than welcome."

"Now what?" Willie asks, stepping away from the hug. "I've never- I'm free, for the first time since I can remember, and I have no idea what to do."

Alex hums a little.

"Well, you should do something that you've been wanting to do for a long time," he tries, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

Willie nods, solemnly. "That's a good idea."

And then he kisses him.

Alex wasn't really expecting it, because even if he's been wanting to do this for a long time now as well, he'd never thought it would happen like _this._ Willie's lips crash against him and he's left in this weird state where he has no idea what to do for a second and two, and then he realizes that maybe, just maybe, he should kiss back.

So he does, and his hands bring Willie closer to him and _oh god_ he feels like he's melting.

He doesn't care that Reggie, Luke and Julie are watching, he doesn't care that they're in the middle of the street and he doesn't care that there are still uncertain variables, flying above him in circles, like birds of prey ready to attack him. He just- he doesn't care.

Willie breaks apart from the kiss with a little smile. He licks his lips and stares at him, his eyes shining with unsaid emotions.

Alex doesn't know what to say either, so he grins back at Willie, and he's note even aware that he _should_ be saying something until Luke clears his throat.

"Um, is no one going to say anything?" He asks, and Alex realizes.

"Oh, right. Right. Um- that was- that was good."

Willie nods. "Yeah. Super good. You're a great kisser, hotdog."

"Oh god you two are going to kill me," Julie whines, hiding her face in her hands.

Alex laughs.

Three days later, Willie and him are running as fast as they can through the streets, pushing past lifers and jumping as high as they can, just to see who's faster. He laughs as Willie pushes him a little to gain advantage and he pushes him back, making him stumble.

Willie grins. "Not fair!" He complains, struggling to keep up with him.

"You started it!"

And then Willie jumps on his back, and Alex lets out a little muffled scream as he tries to keep his balance, almost tripping. But he holds on to Willie and keeps on running, slow and awkwardly, while Willie rests his chin on the top of his head, making him feel like he's about to burst out from happiness or something.

"Do you find this funny?" He asks Willie, trying to look up at him. He can feel him shrugging.

"I've always wanted someone to carry me around."

"Okay," he chuckles. "Glad I can help with that."

They end up on the beach, as always. Alex doesn't know why he loves the beach so much. It's always been full of good memories for him, after all, ever since he became friends with Reggie and he started spending more time playing around in the sand than anywhere else.

He likes the feeling of the sand against his skins, he likes the sound of the waves and the way the heat makes everything feel a little more real. He likes knowing that he's in the edge of the world, in some kind of way. He feels small staring at the ocean, but in a good way.

And he likes laying down there, holding Willie's hand, as Willie talks about his favorite books and his favorite trips. He tells Alex that he used to dream of living in a boat when he was little, and Alex tells him that they'll have to try it sometime. After all, they have _a lot_ of time.

The thing is, Alex doesn't know if he's ever been in love before. The words scare him, because he's always associated romantic love to a weird fantasy, a daydream he never thought would become true. It was a weird goal, a maybe sometime, a blurry reality he never cared to make clearer.

But now he has it, there, so clear and big and _real_ , and he's not really sure of what to do.

And then Willie rests his head against his shoulder and Alex _knows_ that he loves him, in a way he'll never be able to express with words, so he just smiles and squeezes his hand and lets the sound of the waves say everything that needs to be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my best friend has told me that I take this kids show way too seriously and she's probably right. But I don't care.


	4. agape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex reflects about love after death, about graves and changes and the unconditionality of loving someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a heavier chapter and death is discussed a lot. just so you know.

**unconditional**

Sometimes, Alex gets bored.

He usually has a bunch of stuff to do, between spending time with the Molinas and practicing with the band and making music. It's cool, it's kind of a weird reality where there's nothing to do but play music.

But, yeah, sometimes he wishes he could other things. There's just- there were a lot of things he wanted to do with his life, and now they're not possibilities anymore, just painful memories that he doesn't like thinking about because he's dead.

It's weird getting used to that. He doesn't feel like he's dead, and sometimes he forgets it. And then he remembers when he tries to hug Tía Victoria or when he wonders why his hair isn't growing, why he doesn't need to clip his nails or shave and all that stuff.

It's not hard, but it's weird. It's a big change, and Reggie and Luke are handling a lot better than him, so he feels stupid talking to them about it. Willie's been a ghost for so long it's like he doesn't care about the fact that he used to be alive anymore, and he really hopes that will also happen to him somewhere in the future.

He doesn't know why, but he likes hanging out in the cemetery. It's weird, he _knows_ , but there's always calming about sitting there in the grass, watching the sun slowly disappear behind the tall trees, letting the wind hit his face just like when he wasn't a ghost. It's better when no one's around, so he goes really early in the morning, and he walks past the iron gates and sits in front of his grave.

It feels surreal to see his name engraved in stone, his birth date and death day separated by a small line that should've been way longer. Alexander Mercer. That's all it says. Thats's all he was, a name and some dates and memories he's not sure if someone dares to remember.

No one ever goes to his grave. He's not hurt by it, not really, because when he died there already wasn't someone left to mourn for him. Luke's parents go to his grave every Sunday, he's seen them a couple of times, carrying flowers and sad smiles.

He's also seen Reggie's dad once, but he hasn't told him. Reggie and his parents had a complicated relationship, one that was already about to fall apart right before he died, and until he can track them down better, he's not telling him that his dad went to visit his grave.

His is always empty. He likes it that way, though.

One day, he realizes that the cemetery is not empty anymore. There's this girl that's there even before him, who sits a couple of feet away from his grave, staring intensely at a grave that looks new. At first Alex thinks she's a ghost, but then he realizes she can't see him. Alex's really curious about her, because she's the first lifer he's met that spends so much time at the cemetery.

The grave she sits in front of belongs to a girl named Eloise. She died when she was twenty-one.

The girl that sits in front of the grave has blue hair, dark skin and tears in her eyes. She cries a lot, and Alex wishes he could talk to her, say something to make her feel better, but he's dead. There's nothing he can do about it.

Her sorrow makes him think. He wonders about his parents and their reactions to his death. He thinks about the people he knew, about the people he cared about. He wonders if they cried. He wonders if they still think about him, if his face and voice disappeared from their minds once the initial grief was gone.

He wonders what would've happened if he hadn't died but his friends had. The thought makes him shudder, and he promises himself he'll never think about that again.

He wonders if love persists once that you're dead. If it becomes something else, if it hurts to love after you become a name and some dates in a grave. He never lost someone, not really, and now he won't either. At least he hopes not.

Some days later, he learns that the girl that cries every morning lost her girlfriend in an accident a couple of months ago.

Alex feels really bad for her, but there's nothing he can do about it, not really. He hates it.

Another day, Bobby shows up in the cemetery. Alex wasn't expecting to see him, not after everything that he imagines has happened, so he's a little shocked when Bobby walks towards his grave, holding a bouquet of pink flowers.

He kneels in front of his grave, just three feet away from where Alex's sitting. He lets the bouquet in front of the headstone, and stays silent.

Alex still can't get over how old he looks. He's changed so much, and Alex feels bad about it. He misses Bobby a lot, especially when he thinks about everything that he must've gone through. One moment they were on top of the world, fueled by their dreams and actual possibilities, and the other Bobby was alone.

It must have been difficult. He doesn't even like thinking about it.

It's been twenty-five years since that night, and Bobby's gone through so much since then. He's not even sure if he's still supposed to call him Bobby. Maybe Trevor is a better name, one that was available and free of painful memories. Trevor's a rock star, a dad, an adult, a mix of things Alex never thought would happen to him. Of stuff that will never happen to him.

But Bobby -Alex can't stand to call him Trevor- still takes sometime of his day to leave him flowers. Alex realizes he's holding another two bouquets, one for each of his dead best-friends.

Suddenly everything's too much to handle and he poofs out of the cemetery, appearing in the studio.

Julie's the only one there, sitting in front of the piano, playing around with some chords. She jumps a little when she realizes Alex is standing beside her.

"Sorry," he says, sitting beside her. Julie rolls her eyes.

"It's okay," she tells him. "I thought you'd be with Luke and Reggie. They told they'd try to steal some surf boards."

"... Okay," he mutters. He doesn't even want to know what his friends are getting themselves into. He shakes his head a little. "Nah, I was- somewhere else."

Julie raises an eyebrow at him. "Where?"

Alex lets out the question before he can stop himself.

"Do you miss your mom?" He curses himself in silence after saying it, because the question is blunt a little rude and Julie blinks at him, taken aback.

"Um-"

"Sorry about that. I mean, I don't know. I've been thinking."

"Is everything okay?" Alex doesn’t know how to answer to that, so he just shrugs.

Julie clears her throat.

"Of course I miss her. I'm never going to stop missing her."

"Does love change after you die?" Alex's voice is a whisper, a thread. He's aware that his question's stupid, but he needs to know. He tends to overthink things when he's bored. "I mean, do you- love her more? Or less? I don't Jules, I'm sorry, I-"

Julie takes his hand. "It's okay, Alex." She licks her lips, and then stares intensely at the piano. "I like to think that love is unconditional, you know? The good think about it is that it never changes, no matter the circumstances. I love her just as much as I've loved her my whole life. But it does feel different."

"How?"

"Well, love is a lot of things, right? There's romantic love and friendly love and, I don't know. Familiar love. But unconditional love kind of wraps them all. No matter what, you love who you need to love. I lost my mom but I still feel close to her, through music and singing and, I don't know. Just remembering her smile and her voice and stuff. You get me?"

Alex nods a little.

"Yeah, I get it."

After that, Alex starts thinking about love a lot. He doesn't know why. He just can't stop.

It turns out that Luke and Reggie do get some surf boards, and Ray decides to have a picnic at the beach.

They go to an empty, big beach that's a little far from the city. The Molinas eat while Willie tries teaching them to surf. Carlos makes them play soccer while Ray and Tía make a bonfire. It's a good idea.

They end up hanging around the fire when the sky darkens. Alex is holding Willie's hand, their fingers intertwined. Luke's playing the guitar and the rest of them are singing quietly, Julie hugging her dad, Carlos sitting by Reggie's side. It's cool.

It doesn't make him forget that he's dead, not exactly, but it makes him feel alive. That's good.

Love is a lot of things. Love is bold and daring, a hushed, hurried confession between loud moments that still resonates hours later, when the moments have gone quiet and there's only memories left.

Love is a shiny expression, a raw act of kindness, a piece of yourself, vulnerable and weak, a secret you trust someone with.

Love is laughter, high-pitched shrieking in the middle of the night when the city sleeps, when everything's dark except for the seconds you spend trying to regain your breath, trying figure out if you're ever going to be this happy again.

Love is silent, sweet, comfortable company. Love is being alone but not feeling lonely. Love is making sure the people you care about are never, in fact, lonely.

Love is pure, love is gold, love is a liquid feeling running heavily through your veins, making you feel like you're on fire, ready to burst into colorful flames.

Love is a lot of things, love presents itself in many ways, in many moments, in many sparks that light up and move quickly towards the sky, exploding in a whirl of laughter and butterflies and hushed whispers, knowing smiles.

And Alex is lucky enough to know what love is. Or at least, lucky enough to have a chance at understanding it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand that was it! I didn't really understand the last type of love so I did what I could. The prompt was "The Four Loves", by the way.  
> Some day I'll write something that's not Alex-centric, I promise.  
> I've also realized that whenever I write canon-compliant stuff I respect everything I've stated in my other fics. I'm creating my own verse lol.  
> I also want to apologize if the writing in this fic is a bit off, I've been trying to improve my writing in english and make it more my usual style (?) but I don't know if I made it. I tried my best lol.  
> As always, kuds and comments are much appreciated, engish is not my first languange so all mistakes are on me, and you can find me on tumblr at @sunsetsandcurves


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